Lyndsey We live in such a fast paced, instant gratitude world. Do you ever wonder how so many marriages last forever, while other marriages fail after the first year or two? You must work for your marriage, a happy marriage doesn’t just fall into your lap, and if it does, eventually it will fade if it isn’t taken care of. When I say work for your marriage, I don’t mean therapy, or gifts, or tremendous efforts. I mean, you need to have gratitude for the small things, you need to be thankful for your partner, and you need to receive those things in return.
Think about your car… your car will tell you what is wrong, it will tell you what it needs, and without thinking about it, you take care of it. Your low fuel warning comes on, you put fuel in it. Your change oil signal comes on, you bring it in to change the oil (or do it yourself). Your tire pressure get’s low, you fill up your tire. Your check engine light comes on, and you will get the error code checked or bring it in for maintenance. Your marriage can be like a car, things can go wrong, maintenance may be needed, but unfortunately there are no warning signals telling you exactly what is needed!
I was driving into work this morning and I was already having a bad start to my day. Typically, I work from home, so on days that I go into the office everything is a little more hectic. Getting the kids ready takes too long, getting myself ready takes too long, it is inevitable that I will forget something! I finally got in my car and was on the road and remember, OH NO, I need to get fuel still. I knew yesterday I needed to get fuel, but I didn’t want to stop after my son’s soccer practice because he still wanted to eat, and needed a shower, so I thought, I’ll put it off until the morning.
Well… once I realized I still needed to get fuel, I looked down at my fuel gage and saw it was on full!! Last night, I had forgotten to stop at the store and get coffee, and I was completely out for the morning. I asked my husband if he could run to the store after the kids went to bed and pick up coffee so I had some for the morning. He didn’t want to, but he didn’t say that. He ran to the store and got me coffee, AND he filled my fuel tank while he was out. I didn’t ask him to, I am not sure what compelled him to, but he did. The fact that he did made my day 10 times better from a cruddy start.
My point here is my husband didn’t do anything extraordinary to make my day better. He didn’t buy me an expensive gift or plan some extravagant date. He didn’t pronounce his love to me or write me a song. He filled my fuel tank, and it was exactly what I needed to fill my own fuel tank.
As women we prioritize everything and everyone over ourselves. Our first thoughts and actions are entirely based on other people’s needs, not because we do this intentionally, but because we subconsciously are wired to do this. When a woman says she needs help, or she wants to feel appreciated, this doesn’t mean she wants to complain or wants to start a fight. Her low fuel warning light is coming on, and it is letting you know she needs her fuel tank filled. She needs someone to think about her first, to put her first, because those are the things that fuel her!
This could be as simple as stating that you appreciate something she did. This could be filling her fuel tank without her asking, getting her coffee even when you don’t want to, making sure she has her favorite snack at the end of the day. This doesn’t have to be some big extravagant plan, just make her feel like someone is putting her first.
Now on the other hand, women sometimes get so wrapped up in the day-to-day tasks, chores, and responsibilities that we don’t take the time to notice and recognize how our husbands might be putting us first already.
Every day my husband stops at the store and gets me my favorite drink to end my day with. I used to ask him, but now it has just become habit. He knows I will want this drink, and without thinking about it he stops and gets it for me because he knows I don’t want to stop for myself. He filled my fuel tank without me asking, while he was out getting me coffee that he doesn’t even like. He starts putting away dinner while I am busy getting the kids ready for practice or doing something else. He asks me if I want to shower first, even though my shower takes longer and more hot water.
If you think about it, your husband probably does small things to put you first all the time… so THANK HIM FOR IT. Recognize that you notice these things, show him that they are appreciated. I bet, if you recognized his efforts, he will notice how much it actually means to you.
Marriage doesn’t have to be a fight or a struggle. Your partner deserves just as much respect of their own thoughts, feelings, and needs as anyone else does: your friends, your family, your children. Your partner is just as important as anyone else, and it’s important to show that you are grateful for them, and recognize their efforts. Tell each other thank you, appreciate the small efforts, return the favors, apologize when needed, admit when you’re wrong, and have fun together!
(Even if it’s as simple as taco’s and margaritas with Sombrero’s on Cinco De Mayo!)
FILL HER FUEL TANK, and Women, FILL HIS TOO!
Yes, there’s always room for a “thank you” to show your appreciation, no matter what it is. Thanks so much for linking up at the #UnlimitedLinkParty 131. Pinned.
Yes there is! It’s easy to forget how powerful appreciation can be.